Sunday, August 20, 2006

I try my hand at technical writing . . .

When our toaster oven died a few years ago I bought a simple sort of retro looking toaster from the supermarket. If “died” is too anthropomorphic a term, how about “ceased functioning"? Sorry. Anyway, the retro looking toaster works just fine although things like English muffins lay too far down in the slots to be easily retrieved when the toasting has been accomplished. My solution to this problem is to give the raising/lowering/toasting handle (hereinafter called the Master Toasting Lever) a rapid partial lowering immediately followed by a rapid raising against the upper handle stop. The momentum imparted to the toasted halves of the English muffin causes them to be carried up and out of the top of the toaster. A deft grab usually prevents one of the halves from falling back into the toaster. I have never managed to grab both halves on the fly at the same time. A repeat of the lowering and raising of the Master Toasting Lever is required to retrieve the remaining muffin half. A too-vigorous performance of this routine may result in the remaining muffin half becoming airborne, as was the case this morning. The second half landed on the counter and rolled – as disc-like objects are prone to do – behind a flowerpot next to the sink. It would make this little story almost worthwhile if the muffin had come to rest in a pool of water by the sink. Wow, wouldn’t that have been ironic, after all that work? When I located it behind the flowerpot this was what I feared, but no! Happy Ending – the muffin was dry and now it has been buttered, slathered with Boysenberry preserves and eaten. Thanks for letting me tell you that.

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